Excellent Day for an Exorcism: "Deliver Us From Evil" (2014)

The film opens in the ancient times 2010 AD during the second Iraq War/Conflict/Disagreement/Quarrel, where several soldiers are scrambling about aimlessly in a cave for something unnamed. What they are doing in the earth’s vaginal cave is unimportant. What is important is that you know that Evil (or “Primary Evil” as this movie calls it) always piggyback rides back to the States from Iraq. This is a long tradition begun by the granddaddy (or grandMOMMY) of all exorcism movies The Exorcist. Remember that opening scene where Father Merrin is scrambling about aimlessly being freaked the holy-hell out by foreign people? That was in Iraq where a menacing statue of menace awaited to growl at him with its mighty snake phallus and lion head. In this movie, it is not Pazuzu the demon who awaits these modern American soldiers, but a wall of text. It seems a demon took it upon himself (or HERSELF) to graffiti the Menacing Cave of Menace with the most menacing language of all: LATIN!

Be still your heart. Bats are even exiting the cave in a hurry as if the Latin texts transcends species in its primary evilness. The soldiers see the wall of text and there begins our movie.

The film then takes a huge leap in time to the modern era of 2013 AD to the ancient archeological dig called New York City. A detective named Ralph Sarchie is attempting to resuscitate a dead infant and it becomes abundantly clear that this will be a laugh-riot right up there with Super Bad and 40-Year-Old Virgin. Sarchie is miffed that he cannot revive the dead baby but proceeds to pick yet another weird/violent case. His buddy cop Butler even comments that Sarchie seems to have a sixth sense—“radar”—for choosing bad cases like this. I would say this is true but given the evidence in the film it seems like he chooses fairly typical depressing New York cases. If the soul-crushing reality of crime in New York is “weird” to Butler and Sarchie then maybe detective work in one of the most violent cities of the U.S. is not the job for them. A “domestic dispute” calls Sarchie and Butler to a house where a man (Jimmy Tratner) has disputed his wife’s eye shut. (See now I made a word joke that makes me sound insensitive towards domestic abuse but really, why the hell is it called a “dispute.”) Rather than going with the detectives, Jimmy flips out and tries to stab them. Sarchie manages to chase the abusive Tratner and proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Butler has to pull Sarchie off of the man. It looks like Sarchie has some issues he’s working out. You could even say he has DEMONS. (Not literally.) While arresting Tratner, Sarchie notices the man’s nails are bleeding. Either he has a bad nail biting habit or…DEMONS!

Because Tratner managed to stab Sarchie in the arm, our protagonist needs stitches. He and buddy cop Butler are called to the local zoo. A woman has apparently thrown her child into the lion’s pit… JUST LIKE A ROMAN CRUSIFYING A CHRISTIAN! But horror movies require that there be no child bloodshed so the pit was being repainted at the time and the lions did not dine upon infant flesh. Which must mean that the woman’s possessing demon is either very stupid and likes to throw children just for fun or that they sincerely did not realize the pit was being repainted. Nobody said demons are all-knowing. The zoo’s power went out and the woman escaped the police until Sarchie and Butler arrive. When they find her she is digging at the ground with her bare hands because the demon must be looking for cement treasure. (They give no reason within the film why the demon is trying to destroy the vessels’ hands, its main tool for acting out evil.) All the animals in the zoo are acting just as bizarrely. The possessed woman is repeating The Doors lyrics because nothing says raging demoniac better than psychedelic lyrics. Lions appear in the lion pit – what are they doing there!—and the painter who was renovating the cave also appears in a hood. Sarchie is unable to speak to him.

The police take the possessed woman (Jane) to the station where a chain-smoking, beer-drinking and probably gun-slinging Spanish priest named Mendoza appears. He claims that Jane must be possessed and is not insane. After expressing his disdain for all crazy people – fairly common comments like “She’s going to the loony bin where she belongs”—he takes the priest’s card anyway. Mendoza gives us the gem of the movie. He insists there are two kinds of evil: secondary, man-made evil and primary evil that demons do. Which makes one wonder what happens when you mix different primaries, secondary and other. Do you get tertiary evils? Jane also gives us the customary demonic behavior of possessed women in horror movies by blowing spit bubbles and acting like Gollum.

Despite the film setting Sarchie up as having a crisis of conscience over all the horrible shit he has to deal with, he continues to take cases that are clearly going to wear on him even more. He overhears some co-workers talking about a new case where someone had their supposedly deceased father call them quoting The Doors. Because of the tenuous connection to Jane, he relieves them of the case by taking it and goes to an apparently haunted house. A little boy translates for his foreign parents about how the house is haunted and Butler makes Addams Family jokes that don’t quite hit the mark because this is an ordinary house in New York and not the towering, majestic gothic of the Addams Family fame. For some damn reason, Butler lets Sarchie examine the basement all alone. In said basement Sarchie finds a corpse. The eye moves as though he is watching Sarchie. But that is only the vermin that now occupy the body and burst forth in a gross-out scare done perfectly right.

Let’s just say this is the film’s best moment. I type that with sincerity. Leading up to this moment the film takes its time, building tension, stacking on  the darkness that Sarchie faces on a daily basis. When the corpse’s eye moves and appears to see Sarchie for a moment, before an army of vermin burst free from the dead flesh, the movie reaches its true creep factor all too early. It is discovered that this poor fellow was Lt. Griggs, a painter who had been working on the house for the family. But the family is not able to confirm this because he always wore a hood.

At this point we are reminded that Sarchie has a family. Earlier in the film he was digitally messaged by his wife Jen but we meet them properly after nearly an hour mark in the film. Jen and their daughter Christina attend church and Jen explains to her daughter that Sarchie no longer believes in God and that is why he does not go to church. Seems like a huge existential question to lay on the shoulders of a small child. She is opting for full honesty with her child.

"I know, Mommy. Daddy is addicted to a wide array of narcotics. You already told me."

At this point I am obliged to let the reader/viewer catch up. You see, in case you missed it, all of the possessed men so far were soldiers in Iraq at the opening of the film. So when Sarchie and Butler got to Griggs’ apartment and discover that he was Jane’s (Mrs. Possessed) husband it should be no surprise to you that the cases are linked. A picture reveals that Lt. Griggs, Jimmy (the man who stabbed Sarchie’s arm) and a guy named Santino knew each other. It turns out that all three of them were discharged from the army for bad behavior. They were released from hard time a few years ago (presumably at the same time). Sarchie realizes that Santino (Hooded Painter Man) was the same spooky painter he saw at the zoo. The detectives use their super detective powers to infer that Santino also painted the Addams Family’s house and must have been the one to wrap Lt. Griggs in the tarpaulin. Why? Because that’s just how demon rolls. Oh, and Lt. Griggs killed himself by drinking paint thinner. Pay close attention to all the talking because it’s the only way you will get any of this information. 

Next, the detectives receive the zoo’s footage of when Jane tossed her child into the lion pit. The video, in true horror fashion, is shot grainy and unsettling. Jane is pushing a stroller passed the lion cage when she sees the ever-hooded Santino painting a wall. He is coating over an inscription and viewing it causes her to seize and then reenact the “Circle of Life” if Rafiki decided to throw Simba at the end. Santino turns to her menacingly and then returns to painting his wall of menace with menacing paint. While watching thi,s Sarchie exclaims that he hears children laughing and even sees a face of menace flash across the scene. Only to have his best buddy Butler tell him that the video is silent and he sees nothing out of the ordinary. 

Back in the Sarchies house, Sarchie’s young daughter Christina thinks she hears scratching under her bed. Sarchie arrives home irate and tells his daughter to shut up. This angers Jen, who tells him flat out that he is being an asshole and is never home. He then lays down the week’s grisly details to his wife in order to mentally torment her and it works because now she feels guilty. Meanwhile, I suppose Christina just has to suck it up and ignore that her father berated her. Because his life is so hard, what with all those cases that he chooses and he insists on going to because he is an egomaniac who thinks he can solve all the world’s problems. When he does go to his daughter’s room to check on her he sees a bloodied man in the mirror but when he turns around the man has clichéd himself into thin air.

“You should tuck your daughter in more often, Sarchie.”

Since Sarchie is unable to shake the static and children’s laughter in his head he calls on Father Badass Mendoza and the two drink and share manly stories. One such story is how Mendoza used to be strung out on heroin and hitting rock bottom helped him to find God. Oddly God has not chosen to save him from chain smoking and booze. Oh, well. Mysterious ways, as they say. He allows Sarchie to listen to an audio clip of an exorcism of a woman named Claudia, who we never meet but she is important to Mendoza’s back story. Anyways, despite being rather run-of-the-mill as far as exorcism audio clips go, it strikes a nerve for Sarchie and it seems as though he may be finding God. Why is it horrible shit causes people to believe in God?

Sarchie lets his new priest buddy watch the footage of the zoo to see if he can hear the children and static as well. Mendoza does not share Sarchie’s hallucinations. But never fear. Father Smoky Booze has an explanation! Apparently, Sarchie may be able to sense Primary Evil better than the average cop. He asserts that this is a gift and a curse, though I am failing to see the gift part of it. On the daily grind against evil, all of Sarchie’s cases tend to lead him to dead ends and existential crises. At no point does the film indicate that Sarchie’s gift has served to make a difference in the epic battle against Primary Evil. Oh well.

Mysterious ways.

Back at the Sarchies’ residence, Christina’s room is possessed by Poltergeist reject spirits. A toy owl likes to move towards her and a feeble scratching noise keeps her up. Her door also refuses to open when she is scared. All of this is clearly Sarchie’s fault for not being home more. Jen asserts that Christina does not feel safe at home because she needs a father. Fathers frighten away lame poltergeists. Actually, females, being ever ripe for possession, should always have a man around to keep things spiritually safe. The man is the spiritual head of the household after all.

Mysterious ways.

Meanwhile in a mental ward Jane, who has now become Linda Blair, apparently kills a physician, steals his keys and escapes like Gollum, crawling on all fours with the keys in her mouth.

She frees Jimmy with these keys, by the way.

Sarchie decides to go back to Jimmy’s house for further investigation. Jimmy, the douchebag from the beginning of the film—remember, the one who beats his wife—was apparently possessed. Jimmy’s wife (Mrs. Tratner) tells Sarchie tearfully that Jimmy would sometimes claw at things and when Sarchie investigates further he discovers the demonic inscription everywhere. Footage at Jimmy’s house of the Iraq war also shows the inscription. Once again, Mendoza has an explanation. The inscription is a door/portal to hell and that is why all the references the possessed people make are of The Doors. Get it? Doors because of “doors to hell?” Makes sense, right? Yeah, no.

How helpful of the demons to lay out hints for the detectives. Mendoza confesses to Sarchie that he got the woman in the audio clip (Claudia) pregnant but he confessed his sin and now all is right in the world. But by the looks on their faces there is no hope for Claudia since she aborted the baby. To hell with you, harlot woman.  Also Satan has time breathe on Sarchie’s window and open the portal to Hell because every time the camera pans to him the car window has the inscription written in fog.

It is at this point that the film fully departs from simple possession flick territory and takes a shot of testosterone. This is about to become an action movie with demons for flavor. Butler (who has not left the film, he has merely taken a backseat to Father Smoky Booze) and Sarchie are able to locate Santino’s address. The three men wait at Sarchie’s apartment complex. Helpfully, Mendoza reminds Sarchie that it might be time for a confession. Sarchie seems as though he may just give in to the advice when Santigo (the hooded possessed man) appears home. The men try to confront him but he is not in his apartment room. Doing the smart horror movie thing, they split up and doom at least one of them to death. Jimmy (possessed) attacks Sarchie (stupid) and Butler (unlucky) is stabbed to death by Santino (possessed with new invisibility super powers, apparently). So Butler is murdered by the possessed Santino while Sarchie and Mendoza fight the possessed Jimmy. Why these possessed men are attacking is unknown but a motivation would be nice amidst all this action.

It is quite difficult to keep up with the action and who is who at this point in the film, mostly because all of the possessed characters look and act the same. By the time Butler dies, it is unclear whether Santino or Jimmy stabbed him just as it is unclear if it is Jimmy or Santino who Mendoza has restrained with the power of his cross. When Sarchie reveals why he is hearing children’s laughter it is also difficult to sympathize with him amidst all the confusion. Apparently a long time ago he caught a child killer and beat him to death. Why he is still on the force after beating a man to death is unknown. But this is weighing on Sarchie’s conscience. 

Father Smoky Booze and Detective “Guilty Conscience” Sarchie ready for battle.

Sarchie is on his way home when suddenly.

RIP Jane. We hardly knew ye.

This film does not waste its time with possessed chick foreplay. It uses the woman and tosses her off of a building. At least Sarchie tries to call it in. What a prince. Next he gets a phone call from a woman who matters. His wife Jen (whose name is so close to Jane’s I think they didn’t try). Jane is not the one on the other line though. No, it is Santino, who has Sarchie’s females captive. Christina and Jen are now the captives of a possessed man with no clear motif or plan. But Sarchie is able to successfully arrest the possessed Santino.

Wow, demon. You didn’t even try.

While in police custody the action equivalent of an exorcism happens. A wind-blowing, soundtrack-blaring, blood-flying, cross-wielding, Latin-shouting showdown between Team Sarchie and the demon—whose name turns out to be Jumbler or something—unfolds. At one point all Sarchie can hear is The Doors and the demon tells Mendoza that Claudia kept the baby. Sarchie, learning from Mendoza (and apparently The Exorcist) tells the priest to ignore the demon. Jumbler gives in after an action-packed exorcism and the soundtrack overwhelms all else with swelling action-movie violins and slow-motion to tell the audience that something huge has just happened. Christina and Jen are recovered from the back of a van, unharmed, because apparently the demon was just keeping them around.

After the birth of Sarchie’s second daughter—did I forget to mention Jen was pregnant?—the detective retires from the force and joins Mendoza in fighting Primary Evil. The movie ends with this factoid.

Cliché Board (scoreboard)

1.       Victim: Young, White, Female, Helpless- check (-1)

2.       Horrors of the Female Form: nope

3.       Projectile Vomit: Not really. Bubbles of spit don’t count.

4.       Cliché Demon Voice: Yes. (-1)

5.       Mental Illness is Scary (Ah!): Yes (-1)

6.       Troubled Non-believer and/or Science vs. Faith: Check (-1)

7.       Potty Mouth Demon: Nope.

8.       Whisper Lewd Things to Me, Satan (Horrors of Female Sexuality): Nope. For once.

9.       The Devil Does Yoga (+ if in a pretzel): Not really.

1.   Spider Walk: Crawling normally doesn’t count.

1.   Imitating Emily Rose: No.

1.   Based on a True Story. Yes. (-1)

Other Cliché Points Off:

•             Factual Errors if above is to be believed: Since I don’t know the true story and the film made no attempt to tell the true story only one point deduced. (-1)

•             Shaky camera: No.

•             Gross Out scares: Lots of blood and one really gross scare that was actually awesome. So deducing one point for relying on it. But it was still awesome. (-1)

•             Lights Flicker Out cliché: A few times. (-3)

•             Pointless Poltergeists: -1

•             Pointless creepy singing: Laughing in this case. Children laughing. -1

·         Evil is Foreign- the demon comes from overseas. Of course. -1

•             Pointlessly Big Body Count: -5

Grace Points

•                    This tried to be different. It was a bro movie dressed as an exorcism movie. So it gets 5 points for at least TRYING something different. The first 45 minutes were watchable. (+5)

•                    Rather than focus on the ickyness of female sexuality, it focused on the fear of demons from over seas…so….half a point. Maybe. Nah. 0. Switching misogyny for xenophobia isn’t acceptable.

•                    The priest was entertaining to have on screen. Not good, mind. But this cop-like priest who seemed just as likely to pull out a gun as a crucifix was at least a change of pace. Not as cool as the Jewish exorcist in The Possession, though. (+1)

•                    The first 45 minutes seemed to be leading up to something big and frightening. Before the film teetered off into an action flick about some aimless demon named Jambler, it did seem to be leading to the kind of creepy atmosphere of Exorcist III: Legion (and that, folks, is how you do a possession movie). (+1)

Overall

·         The first 40 minutes of this movie were building up to something solid but it soon becomes muddled down with too many characters with too little personalities. (-1) The demon appears to be aimless and even if the case of “chaotic evil” is to be made, has too little of a personality to leave much of an impression. (-1) None of the imagery is anything that will stick with you, save for the body in the basement which turns out to be a gross-out scare done right. The seen it all before feel of the movie may even bore some viewers. While the film does not take the lowest common denominator of sexualizing the possessed female, it also does not take any new risks or bring anything of worth to the possession sub-genre. As an action movie, it will probably disappoint from not making a connection with its audience and Sarchie is too generic to really feel anything for. The plot is too tangled to really root for anyone (-1). It almost seems like a movie trying to inject some testosterone into a genre already so obviously under the Male Gaze. That said, the special effects, acting and pacing leave nothing to be desired and if you enjoy action movies and horror movies you might enjoy it. At least this tried to be something a little different. Not bad, but not great.

Cliché Count: 5 out of 12 for main score.

Skipped Clichés:  7 out of 12 of the main ones.

Other Negative cliché points: 13

Negative Points from Synopsis: 3

Overall negative points: 21

Grace points: 7.

Your Score: 86

Renaissance Woman: Cleaning Your Pipes

There comes a time in every artist’s life where she questions if she is really “good” and whether she should keep to the path. Unfortunately for me it came at a very young age. Call it the cynicism of my generation, but I was pretty much throwing my artist towel in before college. Jaded and resigned to being “mediocre” at such a young age I had withdrawn into self-doubt and used it as a shield. But it is easy to hide behind cynicism. The greater challenge is wearing optimism and hope in a world that seems contagious to it.

Recently I have begun my own personal art renaissance. Part of it is owed to the doorways that digital art has opened to me. It is relatively cheaper than traditional art and I can receive feedback sooner rather than later. But most of it is my renewed outlook on just what art is and where it belongs in my life. If you are an artist who has reached a point of harsh self-critique and begun to lose faith in yourself as a creator, one of a few things has probably happened.

Test Mentality. One of the downfalls of basic education systems is it creates a precarious feeling of Pass or Fail in former students. This is a major issue in my artistic, writing and personal life. I can’t so much as go to the grocery store and forget an item without a voice yelling “YOU FAIL!” If you find that you are becoming discouraged by your own inabilities then perhaps you are looking at your artwork on a strict pass or fail spectrum and that cannot be good for your self-esteem or your art. My entire attitude towards art had to change before I began my Profane Comics. If I look at each piece as an A+ or a U, I would have pulled all my hair out in chunks by now. It is not a sane or healthy way of evaluating your work. The healthiest way I have come to approach it is seeing each piece as a stepping stone to the next piece. I learn something new each time and I am improving daily. 

Hitting Your Groove. It might sound Hallmark and cliché but it is true that you may not have hit your “groove” yet with your heart. You may not have found your zone. Your niche. Any other number of ways of saying this. If you are disappointed in yourself that may actually be a good thing. Would you really push yourself to improve if you felt your work was perfect?

Clouded Mind. I have been putting into practice something I learned from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It is called the “Morning Pages.” The idea is to wake up and write down the first things that come to mind for a few minutes. It does not matter what it is or whether it is of quality. Nobody else will ever read it but you and when you do you will probably laugh at yourself. Why is this a good practice for the artist? Because your brain is a series of tubes. (Work with me on this metaphor, okay?) You need to clean the junk out of it if you are going to use your brain to concentrate on your artwork. You will also learn what it is you are really obsessed with. It also allows the Censor—that voice in your head that feels like shitting on everything you do—to speak so that it will not be bothering you the rest of the day. Just like an athlete some times needs to meditate before beginning warm-up and practice, an artist needs to clear her/his mind of the bullshit that consumes us. It works best first thing in the morning because we are still floating close to the subconscious we just left in sleep. 

But are you growing? The thing is, it is normal to feel dissatisfied with your art sometimes. I speaks to your drive to improve as an artist and learn new things. If that voice that says “But really? Is this the best we can do?” was not there it might mean you are no longer growing. Now that I know this it has made a world of difference. I can now step away when I am frustrated and come back later. I can now let a piece alone and say “Next time it will be even better.” I can now believe in myself.

So what was this article all about and why did I write it?

Well, I am beginning a new blogging series of posts about becoming a Renaissance Woman. Not literally. I like the Renaissance Fair but not enough to dress that way 24/7. In this case I am referring to the well-rounded artist who tries (and often fails) at new things. The idea came to me during the most mundane of tasks. Washing filthy dishes. There was a reason for that, though. Prior to it, I had been so depressed the dishes piled up and I could not bring myself to clean the squalor. As I cleared the task out of the way and realized I had free time to actually do something—thanks pulling myself out of a depressive episode—it also dawned on me that “It isn’t too late to learn new things.”

It is not too late in my life to learn how to sculpt like I’ve always wanted to. Or to press flowers. Or to make a good costume—something I haven’t done in ages. Or learn beading and sewing. I am 26 and I have time to learn these things. I am no longer resigned to only writing and art. I can do it and I am going to share it with you. Somehow sharing makes the experience richer. 

Expect nonsense and silliness since, well, it is me. But at its core I intend this to inspire others to seize the day as well. We are each our own art renaissance waiting to happen. Just don't pull a Da Vinci and dissect cadavers with your nails.