SPOILERS BELOW! If ye wish not to be spoiled on the plot of the show, do not tread further! Goofy summary of Hannibal's Season 2 Episode 7. This is absolutely silly and not to be taken seriously, ladies and gentlegerms.
Some spooky cabin in the woods.
CRAWORD finds Mirriam in a hole with a missing arm.
CRAWORD: Well, uh...well... No wonder I was STUMPED on this case.
MIRRIAM stares up at him.
CRAWFORD: Too soon?
The
FBI shows HANNIBAL to MIRIAM behind a one-way glass. ALANA is obviously
IN LOVE with HANNIBAL so she does not suspect him at all, because
female leads are useless like that.
CRAWORD: Is that the guy who screwed with your head, cut off your arm, and put you in a hole?
MIRIAM: ......no.
HANNIBAL
has PSYCHIC POWERS because he is a cannibal or some shit so he looks
right through the glass at MIRIAM. She denies he was the killer.
At the DUNGEON.
CHILTON: Will, you're free because Crawford found Mirriam.
WILL: Who?
CHILTON: The woman from season 1 who went missing. Remember? He found an arm--
WILL: Oh, yeah. I knew she was still alive. A severed arm doesn't mean someone is dead.
CHILTON: Iknowright?'
WILL: Oh, by the way, you will want to protect yourself from Hannibal. He's going to kill you next.
CHILTON: Pish posh. It'd make him look too guilty.
WILL:
Has that ever stopped him before. The FBI in this area are about as
smart as a gaggle of geese. He'll get away with anything even if he
chopped you up in a public restaraunt and filmed, uploaded it to youtube
and tagged it with "CHESAPEAKE RIPPER."
CHILTON: Hm, point taken.
Still in DUNGEON.
CRAWFORD shows up and tries to ask WILL's forgiveness for thinking he was crazy.
WILL: Oh what? So now we're buddies again, bitch?
At WILL'S house (I think).
WILL picks up his dog's from ALANA who is pissed at him for asking that psychotic guard to kill HANNIBAL a few weeks ago.
ALANA: What happened to you isn't an excuse to have tried to kill Hannibal.
WILL: Whatever.
And he takes is 500 DOGS home while she leaves with her own dog named Applesauce.
CHILTON's house.
CHILTON
walks inside and discovers EDDIE IZZARD (ABEL GIDEON) on a table with
no legs and no arms and on life-support. He freaks (reasonably so) and
HANNIBAL appears in a full-body suit of plastic (the one that PATRICK
BATEMAN wears in American Psycho. Sadly, though, '80s pop is not playing
and Mads does not dance to it. :( )
HANNIBAL: I am so glad you are home. I plotted this at exactly the right time to frame you.
There is a knock at the door.
HANNIBAL:
That would be the FBI (Writer note: That is not a paraphrase. This is
the most Anthony Hopkins-level ham this season so far.)
Somehow,
HANNIBAL knocks CHILTON out, kills two FBI agents and displays them in
theatrical style for CRAWFORD and company to find. Which makes CHILTON
look incredibly, stupidly guilty.
WILL's house.
CHILTON has fled to find WILL, who lets him use his shower.
CHILTON: I am hauling ass out of this country and nothing you can say or do will stop me.
WILL is basically just chilling. Then CHILTON arrives because WILL called him.
CHILTON: You tricks ussss!
WILL: No, just put the gun down. Be cool, man.
CHILTON: NOOOOO!
WILL: Jack, let it go. Don't kill him.
CRAWFORD does not listen and tears after CHILTON like an enraged Tasmanian devil.
WILL: There's really no talking to that asshole.
CRAWFORD screams in a devil voice.
CRAWFORD: CHILTON!!!!
CHILTON dashes through the woods like Bambi running from hunters.
Back at FBI place.
ALANA
is totally sold on CHILTON being the Ripper. She does not give him a
single benefit of a doubt. For some damn reason, MIRIAM thinks he is the
Ripper, probably because HANNIBAL has super mind powers, which one
accumulates after years of cannibalism and unethical psychiatry.
MIRRIAM shoots Chilton in the goddamn face through the glass.
ME: Seriously? Leave some of him for Hannibal to "have for dinner" at the end of Silence. Goddamn.
WRITERS: Now, how else can we piss off the long-time book fans and fans of the original movies?
AUDIENCE: Wait. Is he dead or not? It went through his cheek, not his brain.
WRITERS: Tune in next week to find out, kids.
HANNIBAL's office/house.
WILL shows up, freshly shaved and with his hair combed.
WILL: I would like to resume my therapy.
HANNIBAL: ....
ME: Well there goes my #TeamChilton movement.
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