There comes a time in every artist’s life where she
questions if she is really “good” and whether she should keep to the path.
Unfortunately for me it came at a very young age. Call it the cynicism of my
generation, but I was pretty much throwing my artist towel in before college.
Jaded and resigned to being “mediocre” at such a young age I had withdrawn into
self-doubt and used it as a shield. But it is easy to hide behind cynicism. The
greater challenge is wearing optimism and hope in a world that seems contagious
to it.
Recently I have begun my own personal art renaissance. Part
of it is owed to the doorways that digital art has opened to me. It is
relatively cheaper than traditional art and I can receive feedback sooner
rather than later. But most of it is my renewed outlook on just what art is and
where it belongs in my life. If you are an artist who has reached a point of
harsh self-critique and begun to lose faith in yourself as a creator, one of a
few things has probably happened.
Test Mentality. One
of the downfalls of basic education systems is it creates a precarious feeling
of Pass or Fail in former students. This is a major issue in my artistic,
writing and personal life. I can’t so much as go to the grocery store and
forget an item without a voice yelling “YOU FAIL!” If you find that you are
becoming discouraged by your own inabilities then perhaps you are looking at
your artwork on a strict pass or fail spectrum and that cannot be good for your
self-esteem or your art. My entire attitude towards art had to change before I
began my Profane Comics. If I look at each piece as an A+ or a U, I would have
pulled all my hair out in chunks by now. It is not a sane or healthy way of
evaluating your work. The healthiest way I have come to approach it is seeing
each piece as a stepping stone to the next piece. I learn something new each
time and I am improving daily.
Hitting Your Groove. It
might sound Hallmark and cliché but it is true that you may not have hit your “groove”
yet with your heart. You may not have found your zone. Your niche. Any other
number of ways of saying this. If you are disappointed in yourself that may
actually be a good thing. Would you really push yourself to improve if you felt
your work was perfect?
Clouded Mind. I
have been putting into practice something I learned from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It is called the
“Morning Pages.” The idea is to wake up and write down the first things that
come to mind for a few minutes. It does not matter what it is or whether it is
of quality. Nobody else will ever read it but you and when you do you will
probably laugh at yourself. Why is this a good practice for the artist? Because
your brain is a series of tubes. (Work with me on this metaphor, okay?) You
need to clean the junk out of it if you are going to use your brain to
concentrate on your artwork. You will also learn what it is you are really
obsessed with. It also allows the Censor—that voice in your head that feels
like shitting on everything you do—to speak so that it will not be bothering
you the rest of the day. Just like an athlete some times needs to meditate
before beginning warm-up and practice, an artist needs to clear her/his mind of
the bullshit that consumes us. It works best first thing in the morning because
we are still floating close to the subconscious we just left in sleep.
But are you growing? The
thing is, it is normal to feel dissatisfied with your art sometimes. I speaks
to your drive to improve as an artist and learn new things. If that voice that
says “But really? Is this the best we can do?” was not there it might mean you
are no longer growing. Now that I know this it has made a world of difference.
I can now step away when I am frustrated and come back later. I can now let a
piece alone and say “Next time it will be even better.” I can now believe in
myself.
So what was this article all about and why did I write it?
Well, I am beginning a new blogging series of posts about
becoming a Renaissance Woman. Not
literally. I like the Renaissance Fair but not enough to dress that way 24/7.
In this case I am referring to the well-rounded artist who tries (and often
fails) at new things. The idea came to me during the most mundane of tasks.
Washing filthy dishes. There was a reason for that, though. Prior to it, I had
been so depressed the dishes piled up and I could not bring myself to clean the
squalor. As I cleared the task out of the way and realized I had free time to
actually do something—thanks pulling myself out of a depressive episode—it also
dawned on me that “It isn’t too late to learn new things.”
It is not too late in my life to learn how to sculpt like
I’ve always wanted to. Or to press flowers. Or to make a good costume—something
I haven’t done in ages. Or learn beading and sewing. I am 26 and I have time to
learn these things. I am no longer resigned to only writing and art. I can do
it and I am going to share it with you. Somehow sharing makes the experience
richer.
Expect nonsense and silliness since, well, it is me. But at
its core I intend this to inspire others to seize the day as well. We are each
our own art renaissance waiting to happen. Just don't pull a Da Vinci and dissect cadavers with your nails.
