{PROFANE TALES: Index/Guide}


All Profane content is slowly but surely being moved over to Profane Tales & Comics' main site, so be sure to update.
This old index is staying up for memory's sake and ease of access.
 
Synopsis 
Profane Tales introduces readers to familiar fairytale problems dealing with their daily baggage. Meet Gelding, a sleepy, grumpy old unicorn simply trying to protect the innocent maiden princess ("Amy") whom he loves. Or the Fae who rule the Kingdom of the Fairlands, with a diva-tastic King, a manic Princess and  a decadent, emotionally-absent Queen, the royals depend on their secretary Robin "Puck" more than is healthy. Sirens, were-swans, satyrs, dragons, hippo-griffs, witches, ghosts and other marvels bring their own issues to the table in this world abandoned by the creator gods long, long ago and where topics are not so far from our own world.

Short Stories
1. A Disgruntled Unicorn
2. Melancholy & Magic- Part 1, Part 2
3. Traps
4. Goodnight, Rotten Prince
5. Thrice- (coming soon)
6. Gremlin Hunt

Comics
1. Short: "Rainbows" 
2. A Mindwinter's Nightmare
3. Not Very Majestic
4. Soliloquy 
5. Gelding in the Fairlands (comicbook)
6. Subtly
7.  Dramatic Asides: Princess Things
8. Profane Reactions: "Real Unicorns Have Curves"
9. Rut
10.Dramatic Asides: Kingly Aside
10. Puck's Notes (sligtly nsfw)
11. Sprightly Pranks
12.  Unicorn Poop?
13. Birthday Fantasy Cockblock (nsfw)
14. Daily Doodle: Fairy Queen "Pin-Up"
15. Puckadoodle Dandy (comicbook)- Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4,  Page 5 , Page 6, Page 7, Page 8, Page 9, Page 10, Page 11, Page 12, Page 13, Page 14 , Page 15 , Finale



Chronological Order of Tales
No Particular Order:

Characters

Tamryn, Amy, Gelding, Puck, Rue, Queen, and King!

Recurring Cast:


Gelding the Unicorn- grumpy, old male unicorn who was castrated after caught, done to break his spirit and stop him from "getting out of the gate." He was allowed to keep his horn and now guards the same princess who ensnared him, devoted to her protection. A small male unicorn of medieval art, bearded and beautifully white. His mane and beard is "moon-colored," implying that they are luminous. He has a passive-aggressive and dry sense of humor, and is usually detached in mood except for his basic motivations of protecting the princess and wanting to rest. He does not know his age or his real name (which he has forgotten). Despite being underestimated as a delicate pretty animal, Gelding shows great power against darker magic. He is able to melt glamors, heal wounds and break spells. He is "pure" by medieval ideals, in that he has no real excesses if you do not count sloth (which is innocent enough considering how old and tired he is). But this purity comes at the cost of attachment to most things. He shows  little ability in empathy and despite wisdom towards all things he does not necessarily know how to experience things like love. But because he has suffered a great evil (his cruel captivity), he has more sympathy than the "average unicorn." He does show capacity for sadness, sympathy, pain and other basic emotions.
Other notes: He does not like being compared to a horse. Hobbies include sleeping, swimming and slaying dragons. Ambitions: to recall his past and see Amy safely into adulthood.



Princess "Amy" Amethyst- a lovable but often naive princess, so pure that all creatures love her. She has a mysterious gift, the Language of Beasts, and has been able to speak to beasts since she was a young girl. For this reason, her family considers her odd and tries to hide the "demonic" gift she has. But with purity comes great peril. Satyrs lust for her, as do men. She is a tiny brunet with no crown, but instead an old-fashion dress style. She harks back to Snow White, with snow white skin and ebony black hair. She has one lazy eye. She expresses fondness for her unicorn protector and blames herself for the cruelty men have done to him.
Other notes: Enjoys long walks through enchanted forests with her unicorn friend but prefers not being attacked by bears, fairies and demons. When those she loves are in peril, her bravery quickly rises. Hobbies: Art, singing and reveling with her animal friends. Likes: nature and often pissing off her father. Dislikes: beings yelled at, the fact that most people eat animals. Ambitions: to give up meat totally and completely and to one day be a fair and just ruler, should she be married to a prince.



Puck- a strange faun,a fae with a satyr father and a skilled trickster and shape-shifter. Secretary to the King and Queen of Fae . Subtly clever and a weaver of many pranks and solutions. He can take the form of an ordinary man but usually he has small undergrown horns and his lower half is a goat and he has the tassel tail of a donkey. His skin is olive and he has romani features, dark eyes, hair and a small beard. Some would say he is savvy at fixing problems but he is also good at making matters worse before making them better. He is diplomatic with situations on a grand scale, but he plays the fool and underplays his true genius. Two-sided, he is part trickster and reveler and part secretary to the Fairy King, whom he is devoted to fully. Often you will find Puck is much smarter than he lets on. Also an excellent musician and craftsman. Alas, his satyr blood has made him horny beyond all reason and you will be hard-pressed to find anyone in the palace staff who has not at least sampled his sexual prowess.  Manic and restless, Puck has a good heart and means well when he is not frightening mortals for kicks.
Other notes: He also answers to "Robin," "Goodfellow" and "Hey goatman!" Hobbies: sex, drinking, art, sex, drinking, sex-drinking, drink-sex and pining for his love interests. He is a chronic writer and records everything around him. An old past-time he still loves is to frighten mortals for fun. Flaws: vices and passivity.  Ambitions: keeping it all together.




 The King of Fae- "Fairy King," the "Fair King," whatever you  choose to call him. He serves as both ally and foe to Gelding and mortals in some stories, his nature one of organized chaos. Glamorous and frightening, outrageously fussy and downright intimidating, the King is a strange creature whose origin is as mysterious as his character. Some call him Oberon, others call him Victorinus but his origins seem to trace back to the Asian area of the globe where he is some times believed to have begun life as a basic tengu of sorts. King of the Fae (descendants of titans who separate themselves from mortals and demons, considered more refined. Less malevolent than demons generally, but their mischief can ride the border, particular their King who has a cruel sense of humor). He stands tall (perhaps 6'5) , slender and regal but powerfully built like the modern idea of a "sprite" but in giant form. He holds the key to the  "Fair Land," the parallel realm of fairies, which he co-rules with his wife the Queen. Fussy and over-dramatic by nature, the King will appear to mortals in a stormy entrance. After thousands of years of fighting and yelling, almost nothing remains of the impish sprightly young creature he once was. His voice is raspy and his exterior now highly glamored , because beneath he is as frightful as the demons he protects his people from. Puck encourages him to try to have fun again but not at the expense of others' lives. The only thing that resembles him from the Shakespearen "Oberon" is his marriage to Titania, horrible communication skills when it comes to interpersonal relationships, title and penchant for passive aggressive revenge and cruel, creative jokes. His skin is a hue of bronze and he glows. His eyes change colors, as do his wings which are insect-like but on a grand scale. He maintains this glamor most of the time. He has curly black hair and typically dons a crown. Most of his battle scars are hidden by magical glamor. He keeps his parentage a mystery, but he probably descends from the nocturnal primordial titans.

Other notes: In his spare time he enjoys trolling mortals for his amusement. He also has an irrational fear of the number three! Hobbies: he asserts he has no time for them but judging by the number of pranks he is able to play, this might not be true. He is the creator of the Sprites, his army of diminutive fairies who obey him without question, led by the psychotic Captain Gugu.  The King is terrible at reading body language and nuance and does not seem to understand the meaning of subtly.  People the King clearly cares about: Princess Rue, Puck, his wife the Queen and his own citizens. People he constantly antagonizes: The Unicorn and the Goblins.

Tamryn the Mad Siren- Believed to be the last siren in the world and certainly the only survivor of her society of siren, Ryn slumbered like the dead for years on an island until she was captured and brought to the Fae court to be slain. However, fortune found her and she is allowed to live. Legendary for being the sirens' oracle, this black-winged bird-woman was used to channel spirits of ghosts, gods and demons. Much like the Vestal Virgins of human history, she wears a veil at all times and appears like a human woman. But it is said that the darker her robes and veils become, the more danger a mortal onlooker is in. When her entire outfit becomes black she will reveal her true form; majestic black wings and a body half-feathered, the siren poses a fearsome sight. According to folklore, if a mortal looks into her face they are surely doomed. Unlike other sirens, she specializes in luring and eating "virgins" and the innocents of mortal worlds. Her black wings are used to "embrace" them. No screams are ever heard when she attacks, using her lullaby-like song to hypnotize her victims. It is rare that she should lift her veil or take it off in public and only does so around trusted people like Gelding.

Other notes: It is not difficult to make this siren cry. She is sensitive and oddly sweet. Hobbies: singing, nesting, art. She is slow to trust but does give affection freely and has a kind heart. A rather unique outlook on life.
Tamryn narrates many of the comics and stories, breaking the fourth wall freely to impose tidbits of information and crack jokes.


The Queen of Fae- the mighty Queen of Fae, "Fairy Queen" or "Fair Queen". Like her male counterpart, she has many names but most mortals would call her "Titania," "Vasilly" and "Mab" due to her association with the titans she descends from. She rules the  "Fair Land" with her husband. More diplomatic than her husband though not as merciful when it comes to mortality and death. Her exterior is charming. But her interior, icy, calculating and decadent. Tall, redheaded with ice-blue eyes and iridescent butterfly-shaped wings. She is well-organized and seductive, an enthusiast of extremity.  She serves as the "face" of her people, doing most of the negotiating and communicating with the kingdom and other realms. She is also the infamous "Green Fairy" that inspires poets/bards. Many a mortal lover have fallen for her. But there is a cost to her love...Her powers are like wine. When taken in excess, how quickly it becomes poison. Regardless, the kingdom adores their Queen, for she throws them many celebrations.

Other Notes: The Queen's "collection" consists of strange and rare creatures she enjoys preserving! She would like to make Gelding a part of this collection. Hobbies: Sex, booze and rock and roll (so to speak). Dirty Secret: Full-fledged dominatrix in bed. A sadist. Also enjoys her food and wine. But if you decide to tell her she has a big arse, you had better be willing to praise it! Ambitions: Expanding the Fairlands further, but through diplomacy and the import of outside slavery.


 Princess Rue of the Fae- the fun-loving and arguably insane fairy princess of the King and Queen. Because of an empathic trait that causes her to feel everyone's pain and pleasure, she is obsessed with keeping everyone happy! But in her quest to be a peacekeeper, the young fairy does not realize that the mortal world can only take so much pleasure before it breaks into chaos, a problem that is ongoing in the stories. She is the "negotiator" of the royal family and goes among the citizens of the Fair Lands (and sometimes our world) to keep relations good and make others happy. A benevolent presence of cheerful chaos, making her the unlikely antagonist with good intent. She has her mother's red hair, her father's curl,s but she is shorter than both of them. She has butterfly wings. Much more Tinkerbelle-ish than her parents. She does not wear a crown. She seems fond of pink, purple and sparkling objects. She is the only child of the royals and she is close to Puck. She will turn to her father before her mother, because the Queen frightens her. Rue is prim, proper but also childish and erratic in behavior. Her name "Rue" is due to a omen placed on her birth, mysterious and seldom spoken of by anyone. She is possibly more powerful than both of her parents combined.

Other notes: Could probably benefit from a few sedatives. Hobbies: Parties (taking after her mother there) and expanding her magic (taking after her father their). Ambitions: to keep everyone happy.


Captain Gugu & the Sprites -Psychotic, violent, blindly devoted to the King and cute as a button, Captain Gugu is the largest and most powerful of the King's Sprites. His creation, like all of his fellow-sprites, is a mystery but he is made of the King's own magic. Gugu speaks in third-person, threatens anyone who opposes the King and is competitive with people like Puck who vie for the King's time and affection. However, he also protects that which the King claims as his own. So though he is deranged towards Puck he will also protect him at the expense of his own life. He seems to be fond of annoying Gelding. The other sprites, just like Gugu, speak in third-person and most seem to be named after some sound or expletive. The second-in-charge is called Curses. Gugu is slightly larger than his siblings and wears a red feather to indicate his leadership.


Lysander the Hippocock- Lysander is a showy and rare creature called a "hippocock," a hippogriff that seems to take on the characteristics of a peacock. His fabulous plumage attracted the Fairy Queen's attention and he is now her favorite pet. He is shown to be less intelligent than the other "Beasts" of the story, only able to communicate with short phrases to Gelding and the other magical animals. But he knows his Queen and is devoted to her as any prize pet would be.


Hibiscus - Puck's Understudy, an Assistant Secretary to the Fairy Royals. Hibby is the unlikely choice to join the shameless Puck on the daily tasks of serving the neurotic royals. She is shy, soft-spoken and easily frightened. Hibby is a "pond fairy" and so she has gills but is also able to exist on land. Her dragonfly-like wings allow her to fly and her skin often changes colors according to her mood but she also possesses the unique ability to blend in with her environment. She is pudgy and adorable. She might seem unassuming and easily run-over but when push comes to shove, Hibby steps up and fills Puck's shoes when she has to.
Notes: Hobbies- writing and learning new things. She also likes plants and is supporting her elderly father. Secret: She wants to serve the King because when she was only a tadpole he rescued her father from goblins. She also greatly admires "Mr. Goodfellow" (Puck) who she hopes to emulate.

Prince Emeril- A psychopathic rapist prince who was punished by being turned into a frightful were-swan creature.Arguably evil, though his own history provides answers for his despicable behavior. He had sandy blond hair, grayish eyes and a gaunt face and is considered beautiful. But now when he takes the form of a man, his wings extend under his arms and he is feathered from chest down. Only his legs are bare but he has talons. He also takes on secondary swan characteristics. Yet in daylight he takes the full form of a swan and cannot speak. He is barred from leaving the enchanted lake.
Other notes: Finds that birds don't have very good sexual stamina.

Knight- A white griffin gifted to Amy when she was a little girl. He protects her and the kingdom. He seems to suffer with trauma and is jealous of Gelding. His body is lion-like, with front talons of a bird and a beak. No mane. He tends to be a strong, silent type.
Other notes: Thinks Gelding is a Grumpy Gus.

Indridus- mistress of the underworld, a show-woman and dazzler. She tempts spirits of the Underworld to join her Chamber with her charms. She has a more do-it-yourself attitude than the other, mostly absent gods. Probably one of the only gods to interact with the characters regularly. She has quite a secret under her robes.. She rules over "the Chamber," where sinful souls sign themselves for eternity of mindless, meaningless indulgences until they wither to nothing. It is a self-damning kind of hell. She has blue eyes, tan skin, golden hair and wears a white veil some times. Usually dressed in deceptive white. Very thin with a distinctive face.
Other notes: Her serpent has his own voice. Hobbies: rape, scheming and soul-collecting. Which also happen to be her job. Arguably the more evil "double" of the Fairy Queen, who used to be her rival before Indrid was damned to her current position. She has a giant bone to pick with the Fairy Royals.

Enach- The "reaper" and Indrid's henchwench. When she is not stone-cold emotionless, she is mad as a hatter. A touch from her ungloved hand will kill you on contact. Usually she is concealed by a hood but she has striking green eyes and shrunken pupils. Her skin is ashen but it is clear used to be beautiful. Her hair is brown and messy. Unlike most other spirits, she cannot be reasoned with as a person.
Other notes: Actually a pretty good dancer for an undead woman.

Wido- an ancient satyr (nature demon) who gives mysterious, cryptic advice. He is creepy and morally ambiguous, also gigantic. Probably Puck's father. Though rarely seen he leaves a lasting impression on those he meets and prefers to remain hidden in the sylvan areas.
Other notes: Author's personal favorite of these characters. A gentle giant and actually a real sweetheart. But don't let that sway you to think he is telling the truth. There is never any knowing with this guy.


Q&A
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