Wednesday, September 19, 2012

intermission: Orion's Poem "Unquiet Grave"



What an unquiet grave
A tomb so un-still
Howls rising in the night
The souls so dark and ill.

Now sing “Rest in Peace.”
You sing “Rest in Peace.”

What an unquiet grave,
We hear your foot falls pass.
Whilst we rant and rave
Your hands, they point, you laugh.

Laughing “rest in peace.”
“Poor fools, rest in peace.”

God’s cast-offs,
Live behind iron bars
God’s last thoughts
Were of earthly black scars.
For the lunatics need
These irons ‘bout their wrists.
For we lunatics plead
For death’s noble kiss.
Hell unsheathes in our eyes
The eyes of the weak
Wicked and then tragic
Avert yours when we speak.

You will rest in peace.
You know Rest and Peace.

Heretical writings
Ask you to touch the madman’s sick bare hand
Without your gloves.
Contagions damned!
Heretical writings
Ask that you visit this restless old grave
Out of your love
Even touch the mud
Leaving flowers with cards “from…”

What an unquiet grave.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

ODE TO JOY: Part 1-4: Brigid's Corset Strings


4.     Brigid’s Corset Strings

MY WIFE has always pulled her corset strings so tightly it will make an onlooker hold his breath. And it is not as though she is trying to accentuate an hourglass figure. She is shaped with a small waist, with or without a corset, and needs no enhancement to bring this out. From all I know about women’s clothing—which is quite more than the average man—a lady can use skirt padding to create the illusion of a smaller waist with much more effectiveness than pulling a corset on too tight.
It troubles me that Brigid does this but not for the reasons one might suspect.
It is only that I know things…they color her actions. As I watch her pull the strings so tightly around herself in a squeezing embrace I can picture a heart hugged in the same way. Some kind of perverse armor around the heart itself, something I myself can relate to on a daily basis. Mine are airs. Smoke or mist set around a heart that has only a fortress of sand.
But my wife has a different heart. It is steady and strong and when I hear it I envy it.
She has confided in me what happened to her in India all those years ago. A young waif with no family to speak of, serving the British soldiers brought in to cool conflict.
When one of those men chose to harm a girl, a mere child, in a way that we can never erase.
I always imagine that was when Bri began to pull her corset strings too tightly.
My poor darling.

BRIGID
“You’re pulling it too tightly, darling.”
Bri cocked her head, her eyes meeting Orion’s in the full-body mirror as she tied her corset strings.
“Oh good. A husband who knows corsets better than I.”
“I am sorry,” he lowered his head. He was not looking well. Nearly a month after Drusilla’s birth and Bri could not recall her husband sleeping. Yet he had the energy to correct the way she dressed.
“I do not want you to faint,” he reasoned. “There’s no need to restrict your breathing in your state.”
“I am not in a ‘state.’ I feel well. I feel happy. Can’t a woman dress herself?”
“Very well,” Orion straightened his own suit from behind her and stepped over to the bed.
Bri would be lying if she said she minded his presence while she dressed. She quite liked him near her at such moments. For all her bickering she found his tips on apparel useful. Her first husband had been so strict in the rules of men and women’s differences that she floundered when she tried to please him. He was not there to point out that she wore a hat backwards or pulled her corset too tightly. Orion may have known more than the average man about female dress. But that was something she found fascinating in him. He did not want to be a woman and yet he could become one when he pleased. Though that height…
Orion towered over everyone. The woman he became stood out as well, as freakishly tall. But not beside Amadeus Frunberg, the tallest person Bri had ever met.
“Why do you do it?” Orion’s voice traveled to her, interrupting her thoughts on his lover Amadeus. She shook her head.
She was patting down her hair as it rested in a bun on top of her head. She glanced at him again through the reflection. He had a book at hand but she knew he was not reading it. She knew his attention span was dead when he was like this.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “To make myself look younger. I’m old in case you don’t remember.”
She had not begun to gray yet but she was aging and she knew it.
“You make it sound like you are a century old. I mean, why pull it that extra inch?”
“No reason. Now are you ready?”
He nodded to her, the dark around his eyes warning that this may be a long evening. They were green eyes, alert and sharp. When Drusilla opened her eyes they were the same.
“It is going to be alright,” Bri assured him.
Seeing Charles and Lucy again promised good luck but there were loose ends between Charles and Orion that needed to be tied and that might be troublesome. In any case Bri was prepared to stand by her husband’s side.
“Then let us go!” she reached a hand out to her husband. He stood and took it. Their gloves covered most but their fingers touched.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

ODE TO JOY: Part 1-3: Madness in the Blood


3.     Madness in the Blood

Hiring a wetnurse had been an interview left to the earl. Something he would have felt deadly afraid of doing were it not for his apathy toward breasts. Yet every woman who he interviewed seemed uncomfortable that it was a man who rushed these questions out. Bri had written the questions on the back of a calling card, in the tiniest finest print Orion had ever seen.
To hell if he could read it.
“You should not corn…” he spoke to one of the women in a calm voice, hiding the fact that he was reading off of this card religiously.
“Corn?” the young woman bit her lip.
Where was her child? If she was producing milk then surely the baby should be near her. Orion did not know, nor did he understand the instruction that his wife had written out.
“I am not sure I understand your meaning, my lord.”
Orion laughed suddenly, covering his face.
Shame and guilt flowered in his stomach.
Fantastic. Now I’ve scared this one off.
The laugh had been so sudden and manic that the woman stiffened in her chair. He shook his head. “I apologize. It is my wife’s handwriting. I am unsure what it means myself.”
He gambled to show the woman the back of the card. She leaned forward in a stiff and demur way.
“Scorn…” she read off. “I believe she means ‘scold.’ As in, don’t fuss the baby…”
Orion blinked at the young woman and then nodded, his demeanor smoothed into the cold and stoic front he usually wore for strangers. “Quite. Don’t do that. That is a no in her book. It is a no in mine too but…I’m a man. I will not tell a woman how to raise her children. Though, if you scolded the child, you would most likely be fired. What was your name again?” he stopped himself from rambling.
His thoughts were speeding to the point of being useless, his eyes circled darkly by his fatigue. That fatigue that would not relieve itself by letting him rest.
“I do not believe in punishing babies, my lord…” the tough young woman replied.
Orion offered a sincere smile. “That is good. There is really no need for that. Life  becomes hard the moment we are conscience of our actions.”
The woman nodded in a way that told Orion the tables had turned. Now she was inspecting him.
She knows! She knows I am mad and now she will spread that rumor all about town. The mad earl’s son is his father’s boy for sure!
“You’ve done very well, dear. Next!” he announced with his baritone.
He fixed his invisible shield as best he could. He needed that cold front. It was a necessary weapon on days like these. Bri was counting on him to find a suitable woman to nurse their child. What could be more important? Already little Drusilla had confined Bri to the nursery.
A sad older woman stepped into the room after the nervous girl, who seemed to literally run away from the strange earl.
“Good morning,” she spoke with a soft voice.
The voice was important to Orion. He noted it as a positive. She was gentle and had an air of sadness about her that he had yet to see in the other women.
“Good morning,” he greeted with a nod. “What is your name, miss?”
“Julia. Julia Frost.”
He noted with mild interest that she was surely lactating. Her breasts were swollen to a point of looking painful. Orion made a physical effort not to mention something so inappropriate. But how was that so inappropriate? She was interviewing to be a wetnurse. Her breast milk was the most important part, was it not?
“Lord Hookwell, Miss Julia. It is a pleasure. You have lovely eyes,” he told her in truth.
They were tired eyes but they shined with life. “Thank you, my lord.”
“Hm, well. I have my wife’s notes here. I will be perfectly honest…I think I have frightened the last few women. I know this is inappropriate. A man interviewing for a wetnurse but my wife is ill. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
“Not at all, my lord. I expected many.”
“Good. My wife was expecting too,” he let out a light laugh, somehow stopping it before it swelled into madness.
To his surprise Julia laughed. “Puns. Very good.”
“Hm, well,” he cleared his throat. “We try. Where is your little one?”
Orion wrote on the card of her gentleness and of her experience in being a mother. She had two children and was around Brigid’s age.
Following Julia’s departure, the butler handed him a stack of mail that made his heart race with anxiety.  He handed them back to the butler. “Are there any that aren’t bad news right now?”
“Well…let’s see…” the butler cleared his throat and thumbed through. “Ah, here we are.”
Orion took the envelope from the man with shifting eyes.
“This isn’t sarcasm, is it?”
“My lord, I would not be sarcastic with you. I would like to remain alive.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing, my lord.”
When Orion read the swirling handwriting on the envelope he recognized it so quickly that he choked on air.
The butler cleared his throat. “My lord, may I make a suggestion?”
“Confine myself to my room until this passes?”
“Precisely.”
“There are things to do. And this…” Orion shook the envelope. “This is troubling, by the way.”
“The Arteberrys are not lawyers or witch doctors. Nor are they mad-doctors.”
The earl eyed the man down, hurt by the bluntness of his words.
“I am sorry,” the older man apologized. “I only meant they are your friends…”
In the safety on his own room Orion tore the envelope open. A beautiful sketch of a bird began the congratulations letter. It was signed by Lucinda Arteberry, the lovely innkeeper in Dartmoor. To Orion’s surprise it was also signed by her husband Captain Charles Arteberry.
“So we speak again, Charles?” Orion spoke to the sailor who was not there. He put his face in his hands and took a deep breath.
When a hand landed on his shoulder he started.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” Bri’s voice announced her a few seconds too late.
“Brigid!” he raised his voice. “Don’t! Do! That!”
“I’m sorry, muffin. Who is it from?” she peaked over his shoulder.
Her hair was tumbling down free and she was in a nightgown. She showed little care for propriety when it came to being clothed in the house. Something Orion did not mind. However, he did mind being spooked as he had a tendency to jump higher than a startled cat.
“The Arteberrys. It’s from the Arteberrys.”
“Oh and Charles signed it? Good. I suppose he’s not angry at you anymore.”
“Or Lucy put a gun to his head. Probably the latter.”
“Muffin. You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?” he snapped.
“Assuming.”
“Brigid, I have a splitting headache.”
Brigid’s eyes narrowed and she stepped back. “Fine. Did you find a good wetnurse?”
“Yes. Her name is Julia. She’s very kind,” he rushed the words, almost stumbling over them.
“What is the matter?”
“I want to die!” he exclaimed, his voice broke into something like a scream.
Brigid grimaced and turned from him, stomping from the room.
“Brigid!” he called out instantly after. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…”
“Sorry? You say that often, Rion,” she snapped back and slammed the door behind her.
Orion set his head on the desk and fought tears.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

ODE TO JOY: Part 1-2: Infant Sorrow


2.     Infant Sorrow

“LET ME die!” Bri screeched.
The pain racking her body was that of a thousand hells, pushing its way through her like a demon.
“Mrs. Hookwell, try to breathe,” came a voice.
“Don’t tell me to BREATHE!”
The midwife could be heard huffing as she dipped a rag into a bucket of cold water. It was slapped onto Bri’s head as her screams began to build again. She felt as though she were slowly being split in two by some monster that clawed out of her from the inside.
“Where is Orion!” she demanded. “Where is he?”
“We don’t want to bring him in here!”
“Yes I do! Where is my husband goddamn it! Where’s my muffin?”

Amidst the pain that lasted an eternity, Orion’s deep voice spoke to Bri, guiding her through it. The mid-wife did little but irritate her in her already sweating, writhing state. The blankets were soaked in her fluids and the stench of blood hung in the air.
A small panic budded in her heart and began to open wider.
Delirium set to its work in making the woman a fool. At forty-four, would she survive from this gift she had tried to give? Would the gift survive?
She felt her husband’s hand in her own, never moving or pulling from her sharp grip. Her nails dug into his flesh. She loosened the hold and she could hear him shift beside her, a hand on her head.
“Darling? Are you alright?”
“Is it over?”
“Yes. You don’t remember? We have a little girl.”
“Where are they taking it to, Orion?”
“Nowhere. She is in the room. They are cleaning her.”
“If I give her…” she spoke these words without knowing their meaning “If I give her to strangers how do I know they will love her?”
“What? Brigid, what are you talking about?” Orion asked.
“Her chances are better with someone else than with me…” she slurred.
“Brigid…”
“My lord,” the nursemaid’s voice arrived. “She’s delirious. Let us leave her to sleep.”
Bri was half aware that what she spoke made no sense. But the other half was lying on the bed of some cargo ship, surrounded by sailors and a few dark-skinned women. The smell of her own sweat and blood overwhelmed her. She buried her face into the pillow and passed off into another nightmare.
The dark-skinned women had helped her to birth that child. When they showed her the infant girl she believed its crying was grief. Grief in its first moments. She grieved being dropped into this world. The Indians could not make Bri nurse the baby for she feared it. She was only a girl of fourteen and this infant knew it. It resented her for this. It always would…